Self-Empowerment

This last module focused on Self-Empowerment.  It was also very intense, but in a lighter, brighter sort of way.  We focused on prosperity/abundance and being prosperous on a soul level.  I am happy to report that for the most part, the aftermath of this module was actually pleasant and soothing, rather than feeling like I had been down in the trenches.  Words cannot express enough how grateful I have been that the healing this time around was definitely more gentle and expansive, and enlightening.  Since we did a lot of meditations that were specific to abundance and prosperity, I visualized my entire family being prosperous and abundant.  I left this module feeling absolutely radiant, and my heart full of love for my family.

 

Fast forward to present day, and the lightness and heart full of love for my family is still going strong, except for a minor hiccup this past week-end.  I began having stomach/navel pain/issues, and a feeling of heaviness.  Different than an actual flu or illness, I immediately recognized it as being energy-related, and that meant that more deep healing was taking place.  I retreated and laid low for the week-end, honoring my need for solace and healing.  Then Monday came and just about knocked me off of my feet, just in time for my job to require me to be onsite instead of at home.  Wonderful. 

Taking the tools I had used from my intense healing crisis last month, I brought forth a lot of breath work and prayer.  I asked for guidance as I felt intense stomach/navel discomfort, as well as anxiety around my family/marriage.  The marriage anxiety was completely perplexing, as I have such a strong relationship/friendship with my husband.  We have a beautiful marriage and I love him deeply.  The fear of losing him was so strong that a few times I had retreat to a private space and cry my eyes out, letting the feeling flow through me.  I kept reminding myself not to get attached to the feeling, just let it flow.  Easier said than done, but somehow I managed to do it. By the time the evening rolled around, normalcy had been restored and I was feeling much better. 

I felt great this morning until about 9 when that tumultuous wave of anxiety washed over me again.  I began to pray again, asking for healing and guidance to come.  I did a brief round of Sitali Pranayam (cooling breath), and immediately felt the anxiety abate.  Then guidance came, clear as day.  For me, being in a strong marriage and having such a tight bond with my husband and children is the highest level of prosperity.  This little healing crisis held a mirror right to my face to show me that I still have fear around losing my family, and it was time to look at it.  It was incredibly painful, to say the very least.  I was also given the guidance that in order to be at the highest level of prosperity, there was still some old darkness that needed to be brought to the light.  

I knew I had more healing to do, and that healing would result in healing for my entire family, but I had to just surrender.  Another thing that is easier said than done, especially for me!  I had to remember that the fear is not me and I am not the fear; it was just old energy that needed to clear.  Conscious detachment, I guess you could say.  At that moment, I looked in that mirror head-on dead-center and vowed that this crap would be cleared once and for all, for the sake of my family.  They deserve nothing but the highest level of love possible, and come Hell or Holy Water high, that is what they will get.  Nothing less.

Immediately, I felt more love than I have felt (ever) wash over me, and I felt my heart swell almost to the point of bursting with love for my family.  I felt my solar plexus/naval soften and expand, and the tenderness I felt in that moment for my family was akin to that feeling of love I felt when I held my son for the first time.  I feel like my capacity to love fully without the shadows of fear has been reborn.  I feel like all of the childhood wounds I’ve had surrounding family, including but not limited to the fear of losing them or somehow it being taken away from me, have been surrounded in a comforting, unconditional, all-consuming love.  The icy fear/wounds I’ve been carrying around for over three decades have (FINALLY) begun to melt. 

I’ve been told that when I heal and raise my vibration, my entire family/community will reap the benefits.  If my children and husband are able to live with more love than they ever thought possible, the kind of love that makes them feel like they are prosperous by just being alive simply because I’ve taken the steps to heal my wounds and fear, I will cheerfully welcome any forthcoming healing crisis with open arms. If this isn’t prosperity of the highest kind, then I don’t know what is.

Self-Initiation

"Kundalini, in it's true definition, is a healing energy which promotes balance and fulfillment.  Kundalini Yoga is designed to strengthen the nervous and glandular systems, while balancing the emotions, and healing the psyche, to create a more balanced, effective, happier and fit person." ~ Ravi Singh

Last month, we began the first module in our Kundalini Teacher Training course, and what a week-end it was!  Bright lights from all over the United States and Newfoundland, Canada (!!!!) came together at Indigo Pilates & Yoga in Pleasant Hill, CA to partake in this incredible course.  I came into class on the first day excited beyond measure that one of the biggest dreams I've held closest to my heart for a long time, was now manifest.  I felt like I was vibrating like a live wire with anticipation and just sheer joy that I was finally going to be sitting in a teacher training course with my mentors, Ravi Singh and Ana Brett.  

From the moment we tuned in together at the beginning of class, I knew without a doubt that this group was special.  Not just special, actually.  More like "we are going to come together and do some life-changing, phenomenal, soul-shaking work" special.  Our class is comprised of some exceptionally beautiful souls, I have to say.  We have folks from all walks of life.  And the common thread we all seem to share is that we want to make a profound difference not only in ourselves, but for those whose lives we touch.  To me, this class was like watching a fireworks display...for three days straight.  It was intense, inexplicably beautiful and just simply magical.

"There is only one thing you should know.  Conquer yourself." ~ Yogi Bhajan

For the entire month since the first class, I've been getting to know myself in a completely different way.  My body was completely exhausted for three weeks after the training class.  I could only manage a handful of classes, and I slept so much.  I was definitely experiencing a healing crisis.  I also noticed many old emotional hurts (even ones I thought I had processed through already) were coming to the surface.  I cried, I slept and I ate.  And more than once, I wondered what in Hell I had really gotten myself into.  Was I really ready to release and process on this deep of a level?  My body answered with a resounding "YES!!!!"  

Through all of the intensity, one beautiful thing became manifest, and that was being able to experience the emotional component of the healing crisis in a more compassionately detached manner.  I allowed myself to feel the feelings that would come up and let them flow through me, realizing they were letting me know they were ready to be healed.  I didn't get caught up in the story like I usually do.  There were times where the processing was so intense that I really felt like I was on sensory overload.  It was during those times that I became very gentle with myself, allowing the wisdom of my body and spirit to take over and guide me. 

I also noticed that I felt myself expanding and softening, feeling more loving and patient with my family, especially my husband and my son.  I noticed when I did healing work for my clients (massage and Reiki both), I was present in a way that I haven't experienced in the 10 years I've been practicing.  I felt more in tune with my clients and able to hold a bigger space.  It felt amazing every time I would meet with someone.  

Needless to say, this has been a profound month for me in terms of self-healing.  I dug really deep and faced things that have been plaguing me for decades.  I had plenty of opportunities to practice letting my ego take a backseat, and boy, did it feel WEIRD.  Now that I find myself coming out of the healing crisis, I feel lighter, more clear, more expansive, more loving and more in alignment with my soul.  

Until next time....

A Sacred Journey Begins

For 7 years, I have practiced the sacred practice of Kundalini Yoga. I happened upon it by accident one day when I was searching for new and exciting DVDs to spice up my home practice. After practicing hatha and ashtagna yoga for 7 years prior to beginning my Kundalini journey, I was searching for something...well...different, but still yoga nonetheless. One day while browsing the yoga DVD inventory on Amazon, I came across this DVD called "Fat Free Yoga: Lose Weight & Feel Great" by Ravi Singh and Ana Brett. I immediately knew I had to make a purchase. After all, what mid-twenties woman doesn't want to lose weight and feel great? What did I have to lose? At the time, I had no idea how much this DVD would really change my life.

The first time I tried this DVD, I was blown away. Not only was the instruction given in a very soothing, yet encouraging way, it was also beautifully poetic. The writer in me was immediately captivated. Who knew explaining the benefits of a pose (kriya) could be done in such a creatively eloquent fashion? Ravi Singh has the heart of a poet, and his narration showcases this. I found that his creative expression was contagious; I found myself journaling more after beginning this practice. Something huge was definitely beginning to stir in my soul.

Never before in all my years of yoga had I ever felt more clear and simply refreshed after practice. I've felt the bliss that comes with being in final savasana plenty of times, but this time, it was different. I felt so anchored in my body, and everything around me seemed so much more vibrant. I felt this delicious hum in my body, and seriously felt like I could run a marathon without stopping. Needless to say, I was hooked.

After a solid month's practice, I lost weight and was feeling great. I had no idea at the time what Kundalini yoga was, but after my first month of doing it, I knew that this was my yoga. The research geek in me took over and I began reading about this amazing practice and its benefits. I really appreciated that this practice worked on bringing balance from the inside out, namely working on the endocrine system to bring overall balance to the entire body.

After a few months of Kundalini bliss, I decided to venture out and try another one of Ravi and Ana's DVDs called "Yoga Bliss Hips - Kundalini Yoga for Hip Opening & Mood Mastery". As someone who has always suffered from chronically tight hips, this one really appealed to me. I was definitely not disappointed! Since having a job which required me to sit in front of a computer, this practice that balanced hip-opening with chest-opening really helped bring more openness to my upper body, which was not expected. And the posture where you are asked to just spontaneously begin laughing was awesome. I started off a little hesitant, but by the time we were done, I was laughing so hard I had a side cramp. All in all, I found this particular DVD to be very stress-relieving and it quickly became my go-to for the rough days.

Fast forwarding to present time, I am now anxiously awaiting beginning Teacher Training with Ravi and Ana on May 23rd. I know that taking this training will not only deepen my practice and my relationship with my soul, but it will also help deepen my healing practices. Since practicing Kundalini yoga, my Reiki & massage practice has taken on new depths and I've found myself able to be more present during each session in a way I was unable to be before. It's helped me listen to my client's bodies more efficiently. I feel as a result, I am able to give more effective healing sessions to my clients.

I am confident that part of my path is teaching others how to bring healing to themselves, and after solidly practicing Kundalini for 7 years and garnering it's benefits firsthand, I know this is the perfect modality in which to help facilitate that sacred space for my clients. I am honored to be on this path, and I am excited to share this journey with you all via this blog. Sat nam!

If you are interested in partaking in this incredible journey, please contact me directly at czhmassage@yahoo.com for more information. There are still slots available!  Also, check out Ravi & Ana's website for more information on their DVDs.  www.raviana.com